UrbanCougar Hunter

10.01.2006

The Urban Cougar ("UC")


Definition:

(n) A sophisticated species of female, not less than 34 nor more than 82 years of age (typically early thirties to mid-forties), which in lieu of traditional rules of romantic engagement, opts for the freedom of the hunt (both solo and in groups, usually in pursuit of the Wounded Zebra). An urban cougar's sexual thirst is unquenchable, resulting in a perpetual mission of seduction--purposefully laying as many game young men as humanly possible.

The UC Species often flaunts the following : Gucci (in general), Tan Skin, Pink lipstick, Pontiac Fiero. Empirical evidence now suggests Urban Cougars use the internet and Adobe Photoshop, in addition to Pabst Blue Ribbon and blended whiskey, to pursue the genitals of young verile men.

Used in a sentence:

I pulled some urban cougar last night.

Other Cougar Terms:

Boomer Cougar - A cougar that is over 50 years old. Often divorced, sometimes retired, but always game for the challenge of the hunt.

Cougarsaurus - A cougar over 65 years old. Believed to have roamed the earth during the Jurassic period.

Vintage Cougar - A term used to describe older Cougars only while in the presence of Cougars of any age. This will avoid the infamous "cougar maul," synonymous with castration.

Wounded Zebra - The UrbanCougar's favorite prey. As elicited by Darwin's theory of natural selection, the evolution of the human pre-UrbanCougar species produced carnivores that target the animals they are most likely to successfully hunt. Usually limping along the edge of the herd, it is obvious that the Wounded Zebra will not outrun a motivated Cougar, and will be forced to a stand. Unfortunately, an immobile wounded Zebra is defenseless. Succumbing to the innermost desires of its assailant.

Playing a Wounded Zebra - A Cougar Hunter's favorite way to capture a Cougar. A Cougar wants to enjoy the hunt - you can't let her know you are a willing prey. The more Cougars you attract, the more selective you can be.

Video Example: